My life isn't as good as what you think.

I've been getting questions on formspring asking about my life in secondary school and why I don't like to talk about it.

I did a post on how bad my life in secondary school was so I never thought of doing another post about it. Furthermore, I don't want to get too personal because I need to put all my readers into consideration.

But since there are so many questions about it, and there are quite a few updates from the older post...I might as well do a new post - in reply to the questions I get all the time.

Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to gain your sympathy. This is just what happened back in my secondary school.


When I was in Sec one, I looked like a kid. I still look like a kid now I KNOW lol but back then, I really looked like I'm 9, even though I was 13.
I was reeeeeally short. I was about 130cm in Sec one. But I had my brother behind me so Sec one was not so bad.

Sec Two was horrible.

I hung out with a few of the naughty girls in class. Some people call them "Ah Lians" but I think they're just noisy and vain.
That was the time when I started out blogging privately. It was a trend back then...remember?
AND that was when everything got a bit more complicated.

Bullying was a lot easier cyberly. Anybody can act as anyone.

The real mean girls in my class started hating on me for no real reason at all. They spammed my chatbox with the meanest comments. Insulting my height, my looks, my 'personality'.

Most of the time, I will be the one being singled out of class by the bullies and got accused for spamming mean comments on their blogs. I never retaliate because retaliation might be the worst idea ever.
You must be thinking "Where the hell are your friends when you got bullied?" - They disappeared.

Sec three came.

If Sec two was horrible, I guess Sec three was out of the world bad.
Sec three was the year we choose our subject combination. We got to a class full of schoolmates we haven't work with.
I wasn't good at making friends so I kind of lost out at that part.

A lot of shit happened.
I was quiet because I was really afraid of making more haters but I guess that was a wrong move.

Everyone hated me even more and thought I was easy to bully.

There was this big group of bully (both guys and girls in the group. I'm okay with the guys now but I guess the girls are still hating on me) in my class and I was one of the unlucky few to be hated on.

The rest are way too personal to be on my blog so I'll skip that part.

Anyway, Sec three was the year that I started blogging publicly.
I blogged about most of my personal things since I didn't have much friends to talk to in real life.
The bullies in my class read my blog ALL THE TIME so they get to see what they can hate on.

I got so many mean comments on my chatbox. The comments were sooooo mean that they made me felt suicidal. Of course, I wasn't bullied just cyberly, but verbally and physically. They threw things at me and got me to do the stupidest things, or things that I can't do with my petite frame. (Happened in lower sec as well)
They pass me notes during lesson occasionally, scolding me for every single thing I do. I couldn't focus in class because of that.
It was 1 vs 10. 
Then, the bullies decided to google my name or something and found an old video tutorial I did on YouTube.
I didn't share that video on my blog/twitter/fb because I was afraid things like this will happen. Furthermore, I merely did it for fun because I find it rather interesting to see people make videos and post it on YouTube.

Anyway, they spread my video all around the school.

People laughed at me everywhere I go.

It was so bad that I tried many ways to skip school.
I ran home and cried almost everyday.
I didn't even want to step out of my house.

It was so bad.

That's when I got determined to be better than any of them. I want to look down on them so badly.

So Sec four came, it was a lot better than sec three though I was still in the same class.
I managed to be on good terms with the guys in class and everything turned out a lot better than what I've expected.
There was this period of time when I got along with the girls in class but it was really short.

After Sec four came the long holiday before polytechnic starts.

The girls in my class went out to have a 'stay-cation' together without me. Back then, I was somehow on good terms with them already so I couldn't understand why they didn't call me along.
After that, I gave up trying to blend into the group of girls. After all, secondary school is over and I don't need to please them any longer to survive.

I got more involved into blogging and joined more blog events after making a few blogger friends from there.
Then, I met Rachell.
We weren't very close at first but there was once when we went out together - with Noah and Naomi.
Noah somehow got Rachell to ask Naomi and I out for something so that's how I met Naomi and Noah.

The girls in my class got kind of pissed off after hearing the news that I've been hanging out with my own friends.

They started flaming me on twitter, explaining to everyone how hypocritical I am. 

Closed one eye so I couldn't be bothered until now.
I mean, I shouldn't give two fucks since I'm already out of that school.
And they were the ones who were unhappy with me at the very first place.

But anyway, till now, when I bump into the group of girls from my secondary school outside, they will still tease me. 
Like I said, retaliation might not work well for these brats so I've been tolerating their childish attitude ever since.

So yes, that's how bad my life is. And this is just PART of it.

To be very honest, I verbally bullied a junior as well lol....when I was sec 4.
I apologize if I sounded really mean but considering what you've done....Well, I guess that's what most people will do if they were in my shoe.

Many also asked why I've never got a boyfriend. I don't even want to bring that issue in because it makes me look even more pathetic wtf.

Apparently, I've been in situations like "Best friend betrayed you and snatch your date away" and like "Dated some good looking guy but forced yourself to tolerate all his bullcrap after he decided not to date you anymore" or something along that line...You get me?

Here's a happy picture of me, to end the above section.


Now on to what I think you should do if you happen to encounter these shits like me.

1) Study. 

They will probably laugh at how nerdy you are but that doesn't really hurt as much. After all, you know you'll be smart as hell and have a freaking bright future compared to them.
OR  
Nerds probably don't even exist in those mean people's life (which is the best thing ever).
People in school usually never really care about the nerds. 

Rather have a boring life, than to have a bad life..Am I right?

2) Ignore them.

How? Read the first point again.

3) Hang out with people who are good in their studies.

That's how I survived my Sec 1/2. I hung out with people who study study study study study all the time to avoid any drama. People like them don't hate on you or judge you as much too.
After a while, the bullies don't disturb me as much anymore.

Most importantly, cheer up and try not to give any fck because you'll see the rainbow after the rain.
Bear in mind - most of us out there are probably suffering the same shit as you (or worse).

Just in case you think my life is good, think again. 

Nevertheless, I'm thankful to have whatever I have today. :')

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CONVERSATION

33 comments:

  1. My best friend happens to be kinda like you,she's sec 1 but she's very short and is the same height as my brother who is p3. Since we're in different secondary schools I only know bits and pieces but she also gets bullied a lot,she only has this really timid friend who gets sick all the time so she's always alone in class.Somehow this girl from another class spread false shitty rumors about her and now the whole batch of sec 1 girls hate her when she didn't even do anything wrong. She called me up one day and cried to me and say that she really felt like killing herself which really shocked me.Then I went to check on her Facebook,for every photo she posted there would be a shitload of comments saying "ugly","Ew","Shorty","Bitch stop posting photos no one will ever like them","Pilipino bitch",and even more terrible ones. She kept all of this from me for one whole year until she couldn't stand it anymore.She says she doesn't feel like going to school an if she transferred schools it could become worse so she decided to move back to her country Phillipines and goodness this is really goddamn ______. Just because of those false rumors spread by one girl another girl has to suffer. After reading your post I can't even imagine how you tolerated that for so long. Anyways,glad that you don't have to go through so much anymore. After a hurricane comes a rainbow yeah :)

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    1. I'm glad she found somewhere she prefers to be in :)
      Thank you so much for your comment! x

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  2. Namo Amitabha, hi Pei Shi, i agree with you. I was a nerd too when i went to school and college. You need to recite AMITABHA BUDDHA'S NAME and AVOLOKITESHVARA BODHISATTVA'S NAME too by reciting these phrases 'NAMO AMITABHA' and 'NAMO AVOLOKITESHVARA BODHISATTVA' often to scare away bad spirits, to help your success with your worldly life, to bring more good lucks, bright Wisdom into your life, etc. Do what i tell you to do Pei Shi regardless of what religion you belong to because AMITABHA BUDDHA is the best Buddha and AVOLOKITESHVARA BODHISATTVA is one of the best Bodhisattva .. Do you truly want to best for your worldly life and spiritual life? If your answer is yes then you should recite Their names. About 2 more days i will leave the Blogme blog because i may have very bad karma for broken my Precept. I can talk more with you on Facebook if you want, sincerely, buddhist Quang Hue.

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  3. Hey, I understand how you felt that time cause it happened to me this year August when my blog went viral just because I edited my pictures and I was cyber bullied. Cheer up! Have faith that your life will be good! Be positive! :) You have many fans which will support you and we love you :)

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    1. Thank you very much for your support! :')

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    2. No problem! :)

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  4. You're amazing. :)

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  5. Look at all the things you endured in secondary school. Now you're famous and personally, I think those girls are just jealous of your popularity. It's normal for people to get bullied, it's how they handle it. You're awesome even though I've never met you in real life before! :-)

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  6. Thank you,
    You somehow remind me of 'Me' back in my secondary school days. Being bullied all the time, because I was really fat, nerdy and was afraid to fight back. I would cry every time they did, and me being a guy, now that's even a worse case scenario. Secondary school passed and we move on to a better life. Learn from our mistakes, and well, if there's something that we want, we have to work for it, and make it work. :)

    Awesome blog. Looking towards more posts.

    Stoner.

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  7. Hi Peishi!!! How old are you? You look really cute!!! I really want to be like you. Cuz you are so pretty. I'm so jelly. lol xD

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  8. those people are so mean. I just read the answers on my Formspring home page and accidentally read the Q&A about this post so I read your blog post again. I haven't read your post for a long time btw.
    I like this post, it shows your readers who you are really :)
    I might don't know how it feels because I've never been bullied, maybe almost being bullied if I could say. now you already one step ahead, beautiful girl.
    I'm a short girl too, but I'm not skinny :( maybe petite.
    keep posting, there are so many people who love you

    I hope you understand what I mean lol. my mother tongue is not English :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate it. xx

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  9. Ohh , so that explains why you disabled (?) comments in your more dated posts ? I was wondering how you had like 19k followers on Instagram but hardly any comments on your previous entries .. I guess I see why now .
    Haha, I was kind of in the same boat as you but maybe I was luckier because I did have friends .. I just wished they stuck up for me more but they were very un-confrontational people so when people gave me a hard time , they just looked the other way .
    I acted like it didnt matter because I didnt want to be seen as weak so I never really revealed to my friends who I really felt .. Maybe if they knew things would've been different . The cross to bear for having stupid foolish pride I guess hahaha .
    When people reminisce about the good times in high school , all I can do is scoff because what I hated about school wasnt the lessons or the exams or the deadlines ... it was the people . So unless you werent my friend .. I wish you non-existence. No one knew what a hard time I had because I had a strong personality . And I couldnt call any of them stupid because in reality they were extremely intelligent but I was much in the same position as you .. I didnt understand , I still dont to this very day why they chose me to make me feel insignificant .. and they nearly succeeded .
    I don't know you personally but .. I'm proud (?) that you didnt go through with suicide . There is such a massive double standard , when you're alive they bully the living daylights out of you and then when you take that final step so you're no longer unhappy... they mourn you , instantly regretful ...
    Ahh .. I didnt mean to ramble on I'm just ... I dont know haha , I never knew someone who had felt the same about high school who didnt want to sing an anthem in its memory so I guess reading this .. puts me at ease .

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  10. I am now sec 2. 13 years old . I felt the same way as you in sec 2 and sec 1. Really feel that there is someone out there that is feeling and going through the same thing as I am going through now. I feel much happier after reading this. Thank you so so much <33333

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  11. Thank you for your blogpost(: This is my first time reading it and it really motivates and encourages me.

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  12. hey peishi :)
    I think that you are really awesome and really strong to get to where you are today. thank you for sharing your story. you are truely my inspiration. thank you so much~xxx

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  13. Hi I was somehow in your situation in sec sch. I was having asthma n missed quite a lot of sch, when I got back, my classmates were verbally bullying me. Even the teachers did not do anything, the worse part was even the counsellor n staff looked down on me. Btw when I was in elementary sch, I also got insulted for being short. Finally I had enough with the constant verbal abuse, I left sch at 15 and left Singapore for 2 years to enroll a college in Australia and came back this year to have holidays. Guess what, when I went back for the sch reunion, I was taller than my ex classmates at 168cm. I was glad to make the right decision by quitting sch and carried on with my life. I will be attending a university in 2 years time! :)

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  14. This sounds like my biography... except I don't blog lol.. sad to hear this, but cheer up, at least, u have more friends than in during seconday school days. Mine were less than the number of fingers on 1 hand.

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  15. I am now 13 yrs old and like I'm from the sec sch u are from I was being left out because they said I judge and stuffs but I did try to change but they still say I'm really bad and stuffs I've tried ignoring them but I just couldn't because I really was lonely and I'm not used like seriously being lonely

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  16. I am now 13 yrs old and like I'm from the sec sch u are from I was being left out because they said I judge and stuffs but I did try to change but they still say I'm really bad and stuffs I've tried ignoring them but I just couldn't because I really was lonely and I'm not used like seriously being lonely

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  17. i was like kena being made fun like say i copy them buy same stuffs
    but when i didn't i post status on fb they said i post so much i post like once in a week
    they always stare at me.once i didn't aim anyone at fb they scolded me infront of my friends.
    they said i aim i asked them they said dun aim in future but i don't understand what r they talking....

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  18. Hey! That blog really means a lot to me. I'm still bullied in secondary school but after reading your posts, I feel a lot more better. :)
    Those people were so mean. I know they are the type of 'fakies' or 'Wannabes'. I understand how you felt, cause going through that shit was horrible!
    I hoped you had a great day!

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  19. Just want to let u knw that what's happened in the past has alr pass.Dont be affected by it.It probably killed your self esteem and confidence.Bt it isn't worth it for such people.U're really brave to have stood through the whole ordeal on your own.I really salute and respect u for that. Bullies will always be bullies,u cant please everyone.From what I see,they are just probably jealous of how beautiful u are so when u have your own friends they start flamming u,as they think u cant do without them. Jealous people do really mean and evil things.Dont let it get past u,u have such a bright future ahead.I support u and like yr blog posts even though u re only so young.U can write really well.Wish u all the best in life and to your future career ahead Peishi :)

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  20. Oh my geez.. My story is exactly like yours! Just that I'm a guy and mine got worse along the way to sec 4. I must say tertiary now is more better

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  21. I am sec 1 this year. This is what exactly happened to me when I was in Primary School when I was very quiet as well just like you. There was a group of girls who also betrayed me and I seriously feel really hurt. I was bullied verbally and physically. But not cyber bullying as I hardly let anyone know my social networks. But now things start to get better. Everyone starts to accept me and I also tried to speak up. I didn't imagined you also have the same story at me. I used to think you are perfect until I saw this post. Anyways glad that your life is getting better ��

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  22. My story was almost the same as you. But this happened in Primary School instead. I was very shy and quiet at that point of time. So everyone don't really liked me that much. There was a group of girls whom I used to hang out with in Primary 5 and 6. But when I am in Primary 6,they started get even more mean to me. They gossip about me and get everyone to hate me. They also told my best friend in Primary School to stop hanging out with me. That group of girls bullied me verbally and physically. But not cyber bullying as I did not really let anyone know about my social networks. I even go up to the extent I wanted to tell my teacher. But I ended up got scolded instead. I am now Secondary 1. After I left Primary School,I stopped hanging out with them and I start all over again in Secondary School. But now things in Secondary School are getting better than what I expected. Everyone start to accept me and I tried to speak up. But I hope things are not going to get worse in Secondary School 😱 I used to think your life is so much better when I first heard about you. But after reading this post,our life seems similar. Anyways,glad that your life is getting better and better now 😊

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  23. I can feel you. I experienced the same things as you back then during Secondary School. I guess sometimes we just have got the looks of "easy to pick on". However, its precisely things like this makes us grow even stronger as a person. Take it as a life journey and take it positively :)

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  24. Hi, I am like u very short get bullies everything.people look down on ME. They stare at me.

    Worst is that u r poly at least, but I am not I am ITE. There are ppl who hate ite or look down on it. I tried to be like u to do blogging stuffs but the problem is that it kind of like not that great like u.

    Ehat I meant was I want to meet more new friends like other more great.but never.

    I wished I have a friend like u . :/

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  25. Hi speishi I feel really bad for you for needing to encounter such a thing.I got bullied in primary 1-6 ,secondary 1and 2 and it really hurts espeically cyber bullying -mine was watsapp class group and in daily life...the guys were extremely bad to me and the girls were almost the same too in my class but not everyone...I was very hurt and told myself to get out of the class and went to another class in sec3 and now my new classmates get along with me and Im very careful not to offend anyone too so I'm fine now...I'm in sec 4 now. 😊I totally agree we should ignore them and just study to make an effort to get a better life than them...

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  26. Hi speishi I feel really bad for you for needing to encounter such a thing.I got bullied in primary 1-6 ,secondary 1and 2 and it really hurts espeically cyber bullying -mine was watsapp class group and in daily life...the guys were extremely bad to me and the girls were almost the same too in my class but not everyone...I was very hurt and told myself to get out of the class and went to another class in sec3 and now my new classmates get along with me and Im very careful not to offend anyone too so I'm fine now...I'm in sec 4 now. 😊I totally agree we should ignore them and just study to make an effort to get a better life than them...

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